How to handle “BREAKUP”
The Word “BREAKUP” sounds strong though those are very delicate moments. Let me help you with, what I have learned through my journey and from other’s journeys where I had the privilege to help.
I know it’s a mixed emotion, and it is not a widely spoken topic. But sometimes people do get stuck and probably this article will help to navigate better in someone’s life.
CAUSES: (Few scenarios to relate)
It’s just not happening due to wrong choices knowingly/unknowingly, not committed, abusive in any way, cheating, lack of proper communication, not trustworthy, or it’s just not God’s will and the person is not meant for you, etc.
It affects us Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, Socially & Spiritually.
1. Becoming self-independent
2. Total Withdrawal
3. Shame & Guilt of making such a big choice
4. Lack of Trust in others/ your choices
5. Leaving scars/ carrying a baggage
6. Depression/emotional trauma/Panic attacks
7. Suicidal thoughts if you dwell on it too much
8. Loss of appetite/ eating a lot
9. Loss of interest in activities
10. Fear of making choices in terms of the relationship
11. Sleeping less/ Sleeping more
12. Feeling worthless, lack of confidence
1. Remember you out of that bondage/stress/Confusion and start embracing the freedom. (Hurray!)
2. You have become stronger than ever before.
3. You have your lessons learned to help someone who goes through this. (EMPATHY WORKS here)
4. You would know better now, how to choose a person.
Do’s: (Some BEST PRACTISES)
1. If you have decided this is not the one, delete the contacts in every place (No lingering moments please, which will cause you even more damage).
2. Need to have self-control, everything starts with you.
3. Open up to someone, who you can trust and who can help you in this process.
4. Stop getting into isolation mode, but start engaging yourself with the right & healthy surroundings.
5. Listen to good music or start focusing on things you like, talents or passion.
6. Focus on yourself set a goal and achieve it.
7. Get healed first, before you can move to the next one cause it’s easy to fall for the wrong again. (Remember, Take time, the world is not going to end tomorrow).
8. Above all your CREATOR knows & understands you well, your flaws, your good, bad, and everything. So reach out to HIM who will heal you completely.
9. Forgive the person, bless them and move on cause the chapter taught you some lessons for life during that season and it was only meant for that and it’s over.
10. Give a second chance to yourself first, not for anyone’s sake.
1. Stop getting into a rejection mode and start blaming yourself. It’s okay! It’s done & dusted.
2. Stop jumping into another relationship just to fill the vacuum or cause of peer pressure. “Know to wait! Nothing good comes easily”.
3. Stop lingering with those thoughts of your past, and expecting to move on. It’s never gonna happen! (Definitely, It’s a cautious effort and when you encounter those thoughts, change the focus on something immediately or call someone and divert yourself. Again, it’s a cautious effort, but it’s for your good).
4. So, don’t entangle yourself because of revisiting, lingering, and circling with an unhealthy relationship just because it pleases you.
5. Stop feeling shameful or guilty to face the world, most of us have gone through this phase. So, just Chillax!, (Disclaimer: Sorry! this doesn’t give you the license to switch to different relationships)
6. Stop comparing every guy who comes in your life with your past. (Bad idea, I say!)
7. Since you had a bad past, it doesn’t mean even the next right one should be the same. (know the fact that no two persons are the same).
8. Don’t let your closure become a trap, by waiting for the other person to give an explanation or apology. Learn to give closure to yourself first & move on for good.
Note: “Some insecurities you might have which is undealt, can start being a hindrance in your next right relationship.”
Past is past, no point carrying that baggage in your present or future. Confront it and Fix it, rather than leaving it aside which will become a thorn in your flesh and you will be carrying it over the years. (C’mon, at the other side of every bad end, there is a new beginning).
WISDOM WORDS as a BUDDY:
I don’t know what you have gone through but would like to end by saying…
1. Know about the person before you say YES to a relationship. But, not the other way round.
2. Learn to Let your past be a school and not a prison system.
3. Turn your brokenness into a blessing by helping others who are struggling in this.
Hope this article was helpful, you need not experience a breakup to read this. But, even before you can start a relationship this will help to make choice rightly & handle it better or you can be a buddy to help someone.
Wait for the best, God is writing your Love Story!
The Turning point of my life
I have experienced a breakup in 2014, which was devastating for me at that point. And, I was in my early 20’s and thought this was the ONE which lasted hardly for 7 months. Usually, when we decide this is the one, we plan and dream ahead with the person. But God convicted me strongly it is not the “ONE”
I was wrestling with God and trying to convince that I can change things and being stubborn. But God stood His ground as He knows the end from the beginning of my life. When I learned my lesson by experiencing a hard blow of inflammation in my optic nerve, in order to discipline me and get my attention right back to Him, I surrendered my life to God confessing the wrong choice I took and, also, I accepted the fact that I couldn’t get over this relationship with my strength. That day I gave my life to God totally and He brought me out of that place beautifully, where I wouldn’t be able to meet any longer. I got a call from a company which I had attended months back and I had no hope they would call me back but they called me and asked to join within a few days. (Wow! That was not a coincidence, but the sovereign plan of God). And, this situation not only broke me leaving me with trust issues & emotional hurts because of commitment issues. But it helped me to find my identity and the real relationship with God as a father, who is mindful of his daughter even to the smallest details.
How did I handle it?
I earnestly prayed and sought forgiveness from God for not consulting Him before getting into a relationship and taking the wrong choice because it will affect generations. Also, I focused myself at my new workplace and gave my best. Meanwhile, I was open to my Mom (She was my accountability partner who helped me to recover from it & started to be open with her in deciding this aspect of finding the life partner because we might think we know it all, that’s not always the truth.
(“Just a reminder”, No one can understand you better in this world other than your parents/ someone in that figure as they have seen u at every stage of your life. So, don’t underestimate it, though the responses might not be the way you expect. But they do get you, so if you have done a mistake of making wrong choices open up and own it up. Understand as you go through challenges in different ways, they as parents also go through different challenges at their levels, so it should be handled with mutual understanding).
Then I started to do what I liked to do, working on my talents, passion & also got engrossed to good music to keep my focus on, joined a community and these 7 years was a journey to discover myself with God. Also, I didn’t expect back an apology but received an apology from that person within a few years for breaking up the commitment. And also He had asked if we can patchup. But when I’m a girl if i’m done with something I will never look back and again I didnt want to get out of God’s will. (I was awestruck! by the way, God was so mindful to handle my smallest hurt even though it was the cause of a wrong choice which I took this made me experience the Reckless Love of God).
My Prayer that I did ????:
I accept, I did a big blunder in my life by choosing the wrong one which is not your will. Please forgive me. I know my choice is a big mistake, but help me to know Your choice and protect me from everything that is not of you.
God has been faithful all these years with this commitment & has been protecting me from taking any wrong choices & preparing me for the past 7 years so beautifully by breaking, molding, and shaping for a purpose. Also, God has helped me to heal from my emotional hurts and trust issues and to have total trust on Him, for anything right to fall in place. I learned my lesson :).
Blessing when I surrendered my life to God:
God started helping me to work with people with broken relationships or started giving relationship counsel within my area of influence, like people who gave up on relationships, people with breakups, to encourage them to know their self-worth & to give a second chance for themselves and helping them to navigate if they are stuck in life. “Relationship plays a vital role in every aspect of anyone’s life”.
This has given me real joy learning and working with each of them which made my existence purposeful and I thank God from the bottom of my heart that, if I look back now nothing hurts and each season has been for a reason. Thank God it happened and I’m amazed, how God has been sovereign over my life and guiding me thus far. Also, if such a situation didn’t happen in my life, today I wouldn’t be writing this and the path towards my destiny wouldn’t have got re-routed and realigned.
Also, thanking people who have trusted and allowed me to be part of their journey to help and it has given me immense joy and, in the process, I have got inspired, learned & changed my perspective about life and relationship for the good.
Just leaving a few thoughts:
A relationship could have been good or it was meant to teach a lesson. But, leave a relationship with dignity if you have realized it’s not meant to be the one and stop having lingering moments.
Time will heal, yes! but when you give it to God to handle, He will turn your Brokenness into a Blessing. And, it’s okay if it has been 10+years since you’re out of a relationship. Take it to God and get yourself fixed and don’t resist the process. Also, if you surrender to God and seek for help, He will work and change situations faster and, in His time, He will make all things beautiful.
BENEFIT Of GOD’s CHOICE:
Okay! enough it has been a serious talk so far, let me explain the benefit of God’s choice on a Lighter note:
Just like in an arranged marriage, if any issues come, we sometimes question our parents for their choice or vent out to them. Same way, if you agree with God’s choice you can always right royally ask God and He makes all things right and beautiful because all are imperfect beings. (this was meant to take it in a lighter note… just sharing this bit of information to add some smile and change the atmosphere of seriousness. Even though that’s the truth! ????).
“Turn your brokenness into a blessing, and not a blockage. Remember, God is writing your love story just give it to God to handle it, His way.”
MY BOOKS ARE AVAILABLE NOW:
Your Buddi – Find U First
Your Buddi – Am I Ready for the one?
For more details, please do check: https://niveditadevraj.com/books/
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